Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Chapter 2

I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t take it in. It knocked everything out of me. Scared me rigid. Couldn’t speak to save me life. I put the papers back in the box, shut the lid and sat on top of it like I was trying to stop it from ever opening again.
I ran to the bog. Felt like I’d swallowed something rotten. I leaned over the toilet breathing in Harpic and heaving, but I couldn’t make it get out of me.
I took the spare Yale off the hook and slipped out the house. Walked up through Fortuneswell, scraping the yellow key up the side of every parked car I went past. Started pissing with rain; sheets of it. Me eyes stung but I kept walking, out to the end of the island. Think I had to get to where it happened.
All while I was walking there was this weight inside me like something black and wet and dead.
I got to the Bill and climbed down onto the big ledge behind Pulpit Rock. I sat with me legs hanging down over the edge. I looked down at the sea and the rocks and the waves, me clothes getting soaked with the spray and the rain. Then me guts come up all hot and sour in a big blurt. I sat there on me own with me jeans covered in sick. Two hundred yards behind me the Pulpit Inn was kicking out.
Don’t know when it happened. Can’t get it in time. It’s a mystery. Most things, you can work out when they happened because they’ve got some sort of
sense, because one thing leads to another. Not this.
That’s when I started going out wandering. After Mum and Clair had gone to bed I’d let meself out of the house. I’d drift round the island like I was looking for something. I’d walk past all the houses with their front rooms blue like fish-tanks from the light of the telly. But I always ended up at the Bill, back in the same place. I’d stand on the edge of the land looking out to the sea. And nobody knew I was there.

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